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Impact Quickie #6

My apologies for getting this out late. Human interaction headed into a weekend is rare. The robots understand. I hope my readers and Twitter followers do as well. Let’s find out if there was anything interesting coming from the last episode of Impact Wrestling.
As marks may remember, this was the first television out of Orlando since Redemption. My boys and I felt weird from the opening bell when Trevor Lee faced Brian Cage. “How can you be the head of a two-person cult?” PC Little Dragon laughs. Cage was dominant in the 6-way X-Division Match at the PPV. Of course, he was dominant here. The Cult Leader got a small amount of offense in the ring. His decent flurry was on the outside, but it wasn’t enough. The Machine went over with a Discus Lariat and a Drill Claw. Cage’s movement and strength evoked a Kerry Von Erich comparison from Commentator Don Callis. Physically, this is understandable, especially when new old-school marks watch the man deliver a Discus Clothesline. Very faint shades of the former NWA Champion are visible. Even I smile when I see it. However, Kerry still has an emotional connection with fans across the globe 25 years after his passing. The kid won’t touch that.
The Owl’s next segment is a recap of the 6-Man Hardcore Rules Match from Redemption. Quick refresher: Eddie Edwards has had a very personal issue with Sami Callihan & OVE for weeks. After The Ohio Funhouse’s treatment of both Eddie and his wife, no fans following this storyline were blaming him for any emotional reaction surrounding this match. Based on happenings at the PPV and the fallout, the former wolf has gone off the deep end. Manifestations continued as Edwards called the trio out again, even after winning last Sunday. AI Hercules is exacerbated. “Bad enough there’s a low-budget vibe to this place, but why do organizations have a need to flip scripts to keep programs going when they should be done?” On the video board in the arena, we see Edwards’ wife in her hospital room after HE HIMSELF struck her in a blind rage at Redemption? Sometimes writers are stupid, and they make me HATE wrestling! The original psycho, Sami Callihan is now a bloody mess who just wants to apologize? Eddie sees his wife in “danger” and flies to the “hospital” to attack Callihan and get arrested for his trouble. As a mark for decades, this concept is rare and drives me crazy. Phrased simpler: If something appears resolved, why turn it into Hart/Austin? This feud isn’t on the same level. Sheep, prepare to keep pulling your hair out.
Now for a partially understandable soap opera. Braxton Sutter tried to cut an in-ring promo. Does anybody wanna see this dude in his current form? Does anybody take him seriously? I don’t know whether to feel sorry for the dude or throw up listening to him. Moose came out to put The Walking Wedding Proposal out of his misery and did so relatively quickly. The odd thing about this match was later confirmed by geeks all over the Internet Wrestling Community. It was Braxton Sutter’s final match in Impact for the foreseeable future. Afterward, the former Offensive Lineman took the mic to run down Austin Aries and remind New Impact World Champion Pentagon Jr. of his presence. This Action fits perfectly after The Golden Vegan’s sham of a State of The Union Address that kicked off the show.
Late act recess finds Taya Valkyrie tangling with Champion Allie for Knockouts Gold. Is there a practical reason why Su Yung lost at Redemption? Anyway, the match on television was nothing more than a showcase for Taya’s professionalism. Johnny’s Better Half lost clean from a Superkick and a Code Breaker. Lucha Royalty’s defeat wasn’t the point of the segment. As soon as Allie stands up from her victory, spooky music is accompanied by lights out, yikes! Six female zombies could be seen carrying a coffin. The Paula Bearers set it down at the base of the ring. “Why are these girls impersonating Calloway’s daughters? There is one Dead Angel in wrestling and Jacobs’ Monster knows who she is.” PC Little Dragon says with a smile in his voice. Back to programming. Lights come up to find Su Yung behind Allie! The Undead Bride begins beating The Knockouts Champion up and threatens to put her in the coffin. LIGHTS OUT AGAIN! Rosemary is here to protect her friend! After an EPIC stare down and quick exchange, it’s pitch black for a final time, allowing Su Yung to escape!
Heading backstage, we see someone laid out after being attacked. What could a red flag with a black X possibly mean? Jump to The LAX Clubhouse minus Konnan. We are to infer that he was the one assaulted. Naturally, a void in leadership translates into a frazzled LAX with split agendas. The former champs invoked their rematch clause after losing The Impact Tag Team Gold. In a mild surprise, the straps belong to Eli Drake & Scott Steiner. The Self-Induced Hyphen and Ham Cube still have The Gold because of distracted challengers. This just got interesting, stay tuned. Last week’s festivities concluded with four athletes and a ton of Gold in the ring, including Austin Aries and Pentagon Jr. The curtain falls and we’ll see everybody next week
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MadMan: She’s Handing Out Blues Better Than A Namesake Will
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
I may not be in regular rotation, but when they give me a chair, I swing for my fences. As a decades-long consumer of the art, I don’t have many left. The only Home Runs WWE has placed within my scope, can be found in Women’s Division on both Monday Night Raw & SmackDown Live.
The year I began watching wrestling, some very interesting circumstances took place surrounding cable television. WTBS; (Atlanta), WAS the home of The NWA’s Jim Crockett Promotions. At least until “Black Saturday,” which ultimately saw Vinnie Jr. Hijack the famous 6:05 time slot. This nearly cause riots among cable viewers opposed to McMahon’s product and presentation.
Though the million dollar ransom The Crocketts paid to get their flagship spot back on the dial gave the head of Titan Sports the backbone to finance WrestleMania, which helped to wreck most of the territories. Hell, it can be argued somewhat convincingly upon its 30th Anniversary, Vince himself ruined his biggest display’s pristine intentions for two consecutive years with Lesnar beating the streak instead of Bray Wyatt; and, Sting losing his ONLY Mania match because someone else had the right bride on their marriage license.
Despite the objections of both smarks and sheep in certain cases, we must respect the history of this pop culture institution. IF WrestleMania is Woodstock, it is only appropriate that Tito Santana opened the show with a victory!
In recent years, there has been only one person on The Main Roster who has matched the swag of Santana’s initial accomplishment without even trying, and she wrestled in the last Mania Match I cared about. Finally got tired of giving fans The Blues. She’s ready to deal some out in the form of steel chairs and God knows what else.
“Cut Her talent LOOSE!” We kept screaming. “A REAL run with Gold, PLEASE?” Like a kid aching just before Christmas. As with Solis, she was a true pro, until the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in the modern art form washed over us.
Fans and insiders alike FORGOT about Social Media! Don’t get me wrong, it’s still here. Can’t get away from it. Hell, I’m doing a roll-in on the internet right now! If you’ve been fans of us long enough, you’ll realize that last sentence was not a botch! Seriously, this thing felt like the territories back in the day. No one knew a damn thing! Even some of those paid to know were flipping a coin every five minutes. Thanks for the constant stress, you ancient prick!
Come on folks. If you know my current wrestling HEART at all, you KNEW the last Chair Shot on her return was coming from her Super Mark in Middle America! When older dudes at this circus describe what true fandom is like; they’ll often say: “That’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, BUT THAT’S REAL!”
For her boatloads of fans and the woman herself, Christmas is here! The Stamford’s latest Blues enthusiast is very real, And WWE’s Black Magic Woman IS BACK! Line ’em up. they’re all falling. Charlotte & Ronda too. To The Man and those in charge of her Twitter Account, thanks for keeping the possibility top of mind when things first got weird. We never gave up, but you will! MISSED YOU LADY BANKS!
Ronda Rousey dominates headlines on the Road To WrestlMania, making her the perfect example for Rob to use for Wrestling Newz!
This is a continuation of what I started on last week in regards to wrestling media. You might want to, in fact you should, go check that out first. But instead of just hitting the media at large it’s time to drill down a bit and see how some of this stuff takes shape. These stories don’t get clicked on and believed by so many people just out of whole cloth, they take weeks and months and sometimes years of narratives being laid down first in order to make the premise believable in the first place.
Remember, the three rules for publishing NEWZ stories:
- It’s plausible (translation: circumstances exist that make it possible, and it confirms an existing opinion)
- Can you walk it back easy if it ends up false (‘plans changed’)
- Will people click on it? (if #1 is a yes, and the names are big enough then this is a yes, too)
A quick example that I mentioned previously was the ‘Lacey Evans getting a top level push after Ronda Rousey leaves’ story. The story itself ended up just being Meltzer giving his opinion and not even leaked info from a source, but it relied on a long standing narrative about the WWE creative team, particularly Vince’s preferences. Lacey is blond, and it’s been a long held belief that Vince loves his blond women so there you go (that’s not false, but there are some layers and nuances to it that we never get into). Also, the way Lacey portrays her character (super conservative and a throwback to the Mad Men era) on social media irritates a lot of so called smart fans, which supposedly is something Vince loves doing. That’s it. Seriously, the plausibility of the story all lies in Lacey being blond, evoking thoughts of every blond woman Vince has pushed from Trish Stratus to Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss, and because she pisses off a section of Wrestling Twitter so Vince might do it just to get to us. There is literally no other there there.
Now not all NEWZ stories end up false but even when they’re true the intent wasn’t to inform you, it was to get you to click on the link and share it (Hate shares count as much for the click numbers as love shares, btw. Don’t help people whose work you hate by sharing it.)
Which brings us to the real subject of this piece: Ronda Rousey’s speculated departure from WWE after WrestleMania. It has become almost gospel truth that Ronda is gone after the biggest show of the year, maybe for good, because she wants to start a family (and now also because she can’t hack it in the world of wrestling). Meltzer has weighed in and there are multiple pieces that simply copied and pasted or transcribed his words along with dubious headlines. Now before you say ‘yeah, she is leaving’ ask yourself where you got the idea from. Was it from someone stating it as fact, just giving their opinion, or one of those ‘WWE is preparing for the possibility that Ronda might leave’ stories? And how did so many of us end up thinking so quickly and strongly that come the Monday after WrestleMania 35 she’s outta here? The story was built on a few blocks and because a big house of confirmation bias. Here they are:
Ronda Rousey is an outsider who doesn’t really want to be here anyway
This essentially comes from Ronda being an MMA legend, which invokes bad thoughts of Brock Lesnar his big paycheck/small schedule agreement. That’s it. Ronda left MMA after losing and didn’t do much afterwards, and she’s made a ton of money already, so this clearly has to just be a big score…..right? She didn’t toil in the indies, didn’t even do a stint in NXT, and since she wasn’t willing to pay her dues (that sound you just heard was me throwing up) it’s obvious that she doesn’t really care for it………sure, buddy, whatever you think. Nevermind all the evidence we’ve seen to the contrary.
Rebecca Quin, I don’t care what the script says, I’m beating the living shit out of you the next time I see you.
— Ronda Rousey (@RondaRousey) February 28, 2019
Ronda Rousey can’t handle the road
A video clip surfaced a few months back of Ronda lamenting life on the road in the WWE. Now it probably isn’t much different from what many newbies and veterans of the business have said to their families but hey, let’s take this out for a ride because it supports point number one.
Ronda Rousey is losing at WrestleMania
We got no proof of this but we do know that the original plan was for her to face Charlotte one on one (with Charlotte probably winning), we know that Becky Lynch has become the hot act over the last six months, and we know that Ronda hasn’t lost yet so WrestleMania seems like the right time to do it. That’s it. I explained my rationale for each woman winning that match here, and in my opinion there’s plenty of logic for Ronda winning. But so far a lot of us have assumed she isn’t because she just has to lose here, right? Which leads to the next brick:
Ronda Rousey can’t take losing
She didn’t handle losing well in MMA, so she obviously isn’t going to like losing in WWE and she’ll want to take her ball and go home. There is no evidence to back this up but it sure sounds good.
Ronda Rousey is freaking out because of the crowd noise and the Tweeting from Becky
Ronda isn’t great at promos, the crowds are booing her more now because she’s facing Becky, and she’s fired off some far out responses to Becky’s twitter jabs that suggest maybe the ribbing is getting to her. So she must clearly be having some kind of emotional meltdown that is souring her on the world of pro wrestling. Again we have don’t have any confirmed facts as to her true emotional state (for all we know it’s a work that’s gone a little off the rails) but it sure feels good to type that she just can’t handle the banter.
Now we have the proverbial feedback loop. We think Ronda doesn’t love the business, she hates the road, she wants to start a family, we just know she’s losing at WrestleMania, she doesn’t handle losing well at all, and now she can’t handle the ribbing. Each one of these things feeds into the others, and if you were a Ronda skeptic from day one or you just don’t like her for other reasons then each one of these things is very easy to believe individually, as it’s consequently very easy to put them together into one big ball of what is sure to happen. Remember always that the way NEWZ works, be it in wrestling media, other forms of entertainment, and even politics is that they bait you with things you want to be true based on what you already have come to believe. If you believe wrestler X is a jerk then everything that backs it up is believable no matter how flimsy the evidence. Here we have a bunch of ‘truths’ based on little real information that feed into what a lot of people already thought, and now we have one big ‘truth’ that we just know to be true.
Of course if Ronda wins at WrestleMania, loses some time later, and sticks around for the rest of her contract then the vaunted wrestling media can just give us the tried and true explanation for everything that doesn’t pan out the way they led us to think it would:
Plans changed.